That uneasy feeling

I went down a rabbit hole and now I am left feeling a bit at odds.  I hate feeling left out, especially because I then go down that road of asking what did I do, does that person really think I'm unkind?  Over the years I have been in a constant struggle with depression, and in turn I overthink so much.  But over my life I have always felt the odd peg out, and from there I go to my corner.  I know everyone is dealing with things, this is just a part of my dealing.  I know there are times when I have hurt people, and I believe I have done my best to make amends.  But sometimes I will come across a letter and it takes me right back there again where I feel that sadness or shame of unintentional actions.  Add in that menopause is definitely here, and I am getting closer to my parents' ages when they passed... some days feel surreal.  I want to be that carefree old lady who throws everything to the wind and just lives in joy, but getting there is a rough road.  I'm sorry to my wonderful friends who I haven't kept the best of contact with.

...and a photo from our camping trip for distraction.