July 31, 20016

How do you mourn someone you've never met, but had a direct impact and changed the direction and history of your family in a profound way?  In your own grief, you gave us life.  I realize your life was not ideal or easy, it was full of problems in which any typical person would have given up long ago.  But I want to say to you, thank you for choosing life.  Thank you for helping to choose Kevin and myself.  We are always open with our kids, and we talked to our son about your passing today.  This most personal moment will be with him forever... though I know he isn't sure how to feel. And while we will always be here to answer what we can, we also know that this abrupt end will be more difficult when adulthood hits.


I have all the gifts that were left for him to join his new life... a stuffed dog and a baby boy outfit, infant shoes. We came across the box I had carefully stored it in this past spring, and when I talked to him about it, and asked what he'd like me to do with it... he hesitated giving it away and I suggested we keep them safe, he can keep it forever. He will always have this physical part of you. Someday he may want to talk more, to ask more questions, but today he is grieving in his own 9yo way, though for us it looks like watching youtube or playing video games--he is a thinker and we will be ready.


Please know he will know more about you when he asks.  We'll always be around to lift him up when he isn't sure how to be or feel.

I am grieving the loss of you even though we never met.  We share something I had hoped in time you could be a part of.  I pray that your soul is at peace alongside your mom and in Jesus' embrace.  Someday we will get the chance to meet, until then, know that your children are loved well.